badluck_blueeyesPars maior lacrimas ridet et intus habet
badluck_blueeyes
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Name: Amber
Birthday: 11/23/1987
Gender: Female


Interests: I'm pretty much the coolest person I know. I make myself laugh & I am rarely disappointed. My friends are the only thing keeping me sane (that is not to say that they're sane; because they are, in fact, the craziest people I've ever known). I love all sports & doing anything outdoors. I ran cross-country & swam for 4 years for my high school. I brush my teeth more than it makes sense to & my favorite noise is the sound a car blinker makes when it clicks off after a turn is completed. I'm a vegetarian, modestly liberal, & hardcore for Amnesty International.
Expertise: skirting the issue, whatever it may be
Occupation: lifeguard


Message: message me
Website: visit my website


Member Since: 4/15/2006

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

favorite song lyrics...

Well show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream," she said
The one that makes me laugh," she said,
And threw her arms around my head
"Well show me how you do it
And i promise you, i promise that
I'll run away with you,
I'll run away with you"

We're spinning on that dizzy air
I kiss your face, and kiss your hair
I dreamed of all the different ways
I have to let her know
And scream, "why are you so far away?"
She said, "won't you ever know that i'm in love with you,
Yeah, i'm in love with you."

                                           -Taking Back Sunday "My Blue Heaven"

We were only 15
I let her go like paper air planes
How can I explain
That I'm lost without you around

What if I never lost you
I wouldn't have to find you all over and over
You're the one I've, I've always wanted
The one that I just can't live without

No one understands
The meaning of your eyes
And how I feel
Burning deep inside
...Your my lost and found

                                         -Taking Back Sunday "Lost and Found"

i once knew a girl in the years of my youth
with eyes like the summer all beauty and truth
but in the morning i fled, left a note and it read
someday you will be loved

                                        -Death Cab for Cutie "Someday You Will Be Loved"

Trade yourself in for diamond eyes

                                                     -Shinedown "Trade Yourself In"

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

                                                              -Coldplay "Swallowed In the Sea"

I hope you understand
That green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind

                                                                    -Coldplay "Green Eyes"

But suffice it to say
We're leaving things unsaid
We sing ourselves to sleep
Watching the day lie down instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead

                                                        -The Fray "Unsaid"

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

                                                            -The Fray "How To Save a Life"

Her soul slides away- but don¡¯t look back in anger I hear you say

 

                                                           -Oasis "Don't Look Back In Anger"


cause it's 5 o'clock, the hour stops the sunlight,
the buildings shade the masquerade and kill time,
here we're nothin more than fools and whores and sad highs,
through the summer sand, we're living in a wasteland

 

                                                                      -Augustana "Wasteland"

 

she doesn't look, she doesn't see

opens up for nobody

figures out, she figures out

narrow line, she can't decide

everything short of suicide

never hurts, nearly works

 

                                                       -The Fray "Little House"

 

But I cannot forget

Refuse to regret

So glad I met you

 

                                                -Maroon 5 "The Sun"     ¢¾Oliver

I wake up, thoughts of you

Tattooed to my mind
As I wonder

What to wear, what to eat

Who to be

Will I see you again

 

If you only knew

What I went through just to get to you

I'm hanging from you

And I'll hold on if you want me to

 

                                                         -Maroon 5 "If You Only Knew"

 

We all need a pantomime to to remind us what is real

Hold my eye and know what it means

 

I'm out of my mind

 

                                                           -James Blunt "Out of My Mind"

 

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

...It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain

                                                                  -James Blunt "Tears and Rain"

You cleaned out your room and under your bed,
lay a picture long forgotten.
With a hand to your head,
you sigh out loud as your memory rushes over and
buries you.

...And you held her so tight,
for the warmth that the rain denied,
as the timer slowed to a flash.
So alive, you listen to them when they say...

We'd dance and sing out,
and trace the moon,
as it crawled across the night sky.
And covered in dew, a lover's pact:
Well, here's to now and don't look back.
And oh, how I tried to heed the words written here.

For every one yeah
There's a person, place or time,
that brings you back and makes you feel alive.
Before your reason clouds your eyes,
When you could rule the world if you wanted to...


                                                            -Better Than Ezra "Cry In the Sun"




 

 

 

 

 

                                                               


 


Sunday, April 16, 2006

Currently Listening
Bang Bang
By Dispatch
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graduation is fast approaching

It is only a matter of weeks now before I'm an official high school graduate. Will I miss it? No. I am insanely ready to move past this part of my life. Of course, I have a thousand amazing memories from high school; however, I know there is so much more out there. Most of my friends have no idea what they want to study in college, nor what they want to do with their lives. Actually, most of their life goals go something like this, "I want to be married young and have 2 or 3 kids." I think I just threw up in my mouth. Maybe it's the cynical side of me that finds the idea of that as a person's life plan sickening. Or, maybe it's the fact that I have no desire to  ever get married or have children. There is so much more I want to do with my life. Human rights is my passion; it eats away at me constantly. Thus, it only makes sense that I have a career working in such a field. Sure, I have other life goals, but none of these compare to my adamancy for human rights. In a society, people decide two things: either to conform to society's expectations or to rebel against them. Those with true power are the people who change society's expectations and enlighten the world. I will enlighten the world, just you wait and see.


Saturday, April 15, 2006

Currently Listening
Nevermind
By Nirvana
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my first blog; my first random, unorganized collection of thoughts.

Xanga

I am a human contradiction; a walking paradox. Everything I think, everything I feel, challenges everything inside me. I crave solitude, yet I am suffocated by the silence. I suffer loneliness, yet deny myself the comfort of others. I think so deeply, yet I speak so lightly. I claim to be so strong in my convictions, yet I am so weak in my person. I long for approval, yet I disregard all endorsement. I’m not just the girl next door and I’m not just a pretty face. I’m not a cliché of my android generation. I am not always loyal to my heart and I am not governed by logic. I am not going sane and I am not well. As of late, I’m losing my religion and emancipating myself. I am not seeking to be noticed, yet I am not lingering in the shadows. I am not a lover and I am not a fighter. I am the girl decidedly in between total enlightenment of soul and utter annulment of self. I am me, yet on days like today I haven’t the slightest notion of who that is. It occurs to me that, perhaps, no one really knows himself as well as he’d like to think he does. So simple is it to carry on this façade; so convincing, in fact, that I begin to believe in my own feigned existence. Is it possible for us to fool even ourselves? Do the masks we wear gradually become us, seeping into our skin and infecting our very being? Perhaps, we actually do transform ourselves unknowingly; some into who we wish we were, and some into who we hate to be. Thus, I wonder, have being cynical and terribly sardonic always been central elements of my personality? I like to think that at some time in my past I wasn’t this way; at some point, I was innocent. I was the eternal optimist, unscathed by the uncaring abhorrence of the world. However, innocence can never be retrieved, and optimism is not an option for a person with no innocence. So, maybe this is who I really am. Some days I am sure of it. I feel I am defining myself; on these days, I am my own best friend. Then there are the days when I destroy all structure of myself; days when I simply sit in complacency. Even more damaging are the days, not filled with complacency, but days drowning in passive consent of actions that are the antithesis of my creed. I feel beautiful and taken for granted. Undeniably present and existing, every motion is now art. Here I sit, filling my days with the beauty of others, nothing of my own conception. I have no words, yet I will write. I will find solace in words, solace in the reverberation of my soul on this tangible paper. And maybe, just for today, I will find myself. I am the promise of a new day, entirely my own. I am every moment, every heartbeat, every breath. I am alive.